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What’s it like to live ADHD?
For me it’s never being able to listen for long periods of time & sit still longer than 5 minutes. I feel so antsy. I just can’t sit still. & I talk so fast nobody can understand me. My thoughts are all cluttered together. Like when I talk I’ll be talking about one thing & then I’m talking about something that isn’t even close to the first thing I was talking about. My thoughts are all over the place. I talk loud & I don’t even notice it. My moods are either happy or sad. I can’t think at all. I’ll cry Because I don’t understand what people want from me. It could be a simple question but my mind is racing & I’ll just get upset & cry. I am so hyper during the day I’ll be tired at 4:30 & fall asleep. I have uncontrollable actions. I won’t think before I say or do something. I find everything funny at school & I Don’t Even Know why but I do. When I try to calm myself down I end up making myself upset. Because I think why couldn’t have I been normal or why do I have to have ADHD? But to prevent all that. I take a daily dosage.
When I take my pills I’m still hyper till they kick in. When they kick in. I am calm. I can sit longer but it’s still hard to sit. I don’t talk as fast. But my thoughts are still cluttered. But not as bad. My moods are better. I don’t cry as much. But I still cry Because I get so frustrated with myself. But yah everyone gets frustrated with themselves. But for me it’s Different. I get frustrated with myself. When I can’t figure out what other people want from me. Or when I’m the last one to finish something. Because everyone Is waiting on me. Or I rush thru something Because I can’t sit still anymore. It’s hard but I learn to never give up. Since I am year behind in school.
In grade four, I had the worst grades. That year I couldn’t listen or anything. When I think back to that year I remember crying so much. For no reason or Because of something stupid. I had mood swings. I was either to happy & then I would go to crying in matter of Seconds. I didn’t understand why kids didn’t like me. I had very few friends. But I was on & off friends with them Because nobody really wanted to be around me. I also was extremely uncontrollable. I would get in fights with other kids. Because I didn’t like what they said. I never understood the fact that I couldn’t fight other kids. But then again I never thought I was ever doing something wrong as strange at it sounds but I thought I was doing the right thing. But when I started taking pills the next year I knew it was wrong. My life back then was a mess. I was always In trouble. For not listening. Moving around when I wasn’t supposed to. Never finishing anything. I was failing everything Badly. I had Lower than average grades. No matter how hard I tried. I couldn’t do it. But at he end of the year my parents saw my report card & knew something was wrong.
I seen a doctor that summer & they diagnosed me with ADHD. Since then I’ve just kept it to myself & close friends that had me stay the night or come to my place. I didn’t want anyone knowing Because I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be normal. But it’s took seven years to finally except the fact that I have ADHD. Since I’ve been crowned Miss Teenage Eastman, I have been telling people that I do have ADHD. I want to talk about it & let other kids they are not alone in this. Because when I was told I had ADHD I thought I was the only one. I never wanted to take my pills Because I thought is was a lie. But it’s not. I wanted to live my life without taking pills every single day. But I can’t, I would be upset & crying a lot if I didn’t take my pills. I would be messed up & stressed out. I am open to talking about what it’s like to live with ADHD, & my struggles with it. If anyone out there has more questions for me. You can email me at
Thank you for reading.
I will write more about ADHD but I’ve been writing this for along time.
It was so weird waking up, I was so confused! My clock on my iPod hadn’t changed to it was an hour behind… That didn’t help me because I thought I took my pills for ADHD at 6:30am not thinking it would become a problem later that day….. So today was photo & video shoot day! We went off & got our lovely breakfast! Then we go to hair & makeup!
Hair & makeup was really fun. I don’t know why but I really love getting my hair & makeup done. It just feels great also was saying to myself “This is how Beyoncé lives her life”. From here I had to go & wait. For photo & video shoot, then I would go to get my interview done. Then I would be done with my day till supper. It was such a long wait.
The dress above is my Photoshoot dress. It was 20$ from urban planet! GREAT DEAL EVERYONE! Everyone thought my dress was worth so much more! But it was actually 20$. I don’t care that my dress wasn’t Sherri hill or designer. It’s the way you feel in the dress, when you put it on that makes the dress just work for you. So when I was waiting for a few hours I started getting hyper. It’s probably about 12-1:30pm. And all I wanted to do was run because sitting wasn’t so fun.
But we made it work. A typical miss teenage Canada bathroom selfie (groupie)! We found a lot of things to keep us occupied. So after waiting a bit longer, Emily (Miss Teenage Kelowna 2015) & I were finally about to get out photos done!
She looked amazing in her dress so I had to take a picture! She’s so beautiful & she just rocked the dress. She wouldn’t fully smile tho which was funny & she said she calls it her pumpkin smile because of braces. But she has an amazing smile tho! Finally I got to get my photos done. I felt amazing. And once again I felt like Beyoncé with the wind blowing my hair.
I’m waiting with Hannah (Miss Teemage Halifax 2015) for about an hour. By the time I do my video shoot. My pills wore off… Which doesn’t help me. I was asked something like why would you be a good miss teenage Canada or why is there misconceptions about being miss Miss teenage Canada , I was trying to say something like it doesn’t a special somebody to become miss teenage Canada it can be anybody because I have ADHD so just because you have a disorder doesn’t mean you have a disadvantage. But I was having so much problems trying to say that. I started crying there was way to many things running through my mind I couldn’t concentrate. I wasn’t able to finish so I had to leave.
Now it’s time for interview! I think I did great! It was pretty fun actually. We aren’t supposed to talk about interview tho. So I’ve forgotten about it.
So at 5:10 am on August 2nd I took off with Miss Teenage Northern Manitoba! But before all that at 1:00am I had to get ready & leave to get to the airport! It was so hard to get to sleep. I maybe slept 10 minutes. Then next thing you know it’s 1:00 am. I was beyond excited to see Gabby (Miss Teenage Northern Manitoba!) We both had economy tickets but weren’t sitting together then I had asked if I could sit beside her, & the lady bumped the both of us to 1st class! It was so nice of her & if she ever reads this thank you soooo much! The flight was wonderful & it was so very nice of you to do that for us!
So on our flight we were so excited. I just wanted to sleep but I was full of excitement! But Gabby fell asleep… On my shoulder! It was so funny & I wanted to take a Picture of her sleeping but I put my phone in my purse under the seat. So I couldn’t move Because I didn’t wanna wake her up. I tried to sleep & I rested my head on Gabby’s but I just was beyond excited! So when we landed we grabbed out carry ons & got off… Only thing is we didn’t had no clue where to pick up our luggage. We walked the wrong way at first & then we found out. It took us twenty minutes to get to the luggage Because I was walking slow in heels, my carry on weighed a lot & I complained so much. When we got to the luggage pick up we met Mark & Miss Teenage New Brunswick 2015. From there we picked up Miss Teenage Halifax, Miss Teenage Dartmouth & Miss Teenage Nova Scotia.
I was so excited to meet Miss Teenage Halifax. Because we have been texting, snapchatting & talking on FaceTime. We called eachother pageant twin. As soon as I saw her I was thinking ” oh my gosh this is actually happening she’s here in person & not on a tiny little screen ”
We all went back to the hotel & meet the Three girls from BC. We were in that room all day long. Which was nice Because we got to meet everyone as they arrived. Since we were the Second ones there.
Later that day at the Welcome Party I met my new best friend Miss Teenage Kelowna Emily, she is the sweetest & funniest & such a gorgeous girl. I am so happy I became friends with her. The party was so much fun. I loved it.
Especially the cake.. I had two pieces… I love cake.
Sorry I haven’t posted in a while I was having computer problems. But now it’s good! So on June 25th I was at Breezy Bend Country Club/Golf Course, for Children’s Make A wish Foundation with Carly from Energy 106 fm. I was at hole One.
It was such a hot & nice day! I met tons of people golfing & also got to try it out. It didn’t go that far but still, it was my First time other than mini golf.
Later that day I got to see Adam West! He gave me 2 free floor tickets to Wiz Khalifa for all my hard work! I ended up crying Because Wiz Khalifa is my favourite rapper! I was so happy & I had such an amazing day meeting new people everytime they came to the hole I was at.
Canada is great because its a multicultural country. We have people with different backgrounds of all sorts, & Canada is proud to be multicultural. Another great thing about Canada is amount of natural resources & nature Canada has. From the East Coast to the West Coast & the Territories, Canada is beautiful! Even tho we have super cold winters theres a good side to having it because of snow days! Who doesn’t love when school is cancelled? It’s pretty good day when it’s too cold to go to school. But my favorite thing about Canada is when someone is singing O Canada & everyone yells “TRUE NORTH!” It just lightens your day becauses if its at a hockey game, school assemebly, or anywhere when someone is singing O Canada. You always are gonna hear people yelling TRUE NORTH! Fun Fact: on July 5th I sang O Canada at the Lac Du Bonnet fireworks & everyone yelled TRUE NORTH! I ended up having the worst voice crack cause I was trying not to laugh at the crowd, & I’ve never ever sang in public before until that day. But hey I’m proud to be Canadian.
Lac Du Bonnet Canada Day Celebrations
On July 4th, I went to Lac du Bonnet which is fairly close for me. I went there for the fireworks & I was there for about 3-4 hours before. It was very fun talking to people but then… It started pouring rain! It was very windy! Greg Short (lions foundation member) & I ran to his car Because it was raining cats & dogs! I’ve always wanted to use that line HaHa! But Greg had to run back out & check on things. While he was gone I was in the car, it then turned into a thunder & lighting storm. The lighting was so close & very loud! BANG! It was actually so loud the car shook! I was sad that the fireworks were canceled Because in my speech I wrote at the end Happy Fourth of July Everyone. But it was there Canada Celebrations. I thought it would’ve been really funny.
So the next morning I went back to Lac du Bonnet to be in the parade! I was so excited. Because I’ve never been in a parade. I got to ride in a convertible with my cousin Sage, my best friend Tristen & my mom in be front with the driver Arman. Thank you again Arman for letting us ride in your amazing convertible! It was so much fun to see familiar faces, & see the kids smile when they saw me as I threw candy at them. It was kinda spitting but after a bit it stopped. After the parade was over I went back home until later were I would collect money for the fireworks & say my speech.
Later that evening I went back to Lac du Bonnet where I met up with Tanner, Tanner’s mother & Layla. We where collecting donation money for the fireworks. It was really fun to be with Tanner & Layla! There both so funny & I had a blast with the two very beautiful girls! Also they are defiantly not afraid to be themselves. Which is so amazing & very important Because most people are scared to be who they really are!
Shortly after I was done collecting money I had to say a speech. My voice was very crackly & shaky Because I was freezing cold! My dress wasn’t very warm because it was it was a open mesh back! But otherwise it was good. But I also sang O Canada… I don’t usually sing in public or ever actually. That was my first time I ever sang in public! So I sang with a local girl Kadence & my cousin Sage. My voice had the worst but funniest voice cracks ever! It was seriously so hard not to laugh Because my voice crack! While I was singing the whole entire crowd yelled “TRUE NORTH” & I ended up laughing & having another voice crack! After that the fireworks had started! It was phenomenal! I love the Lac Du Bonnet fireworks! They are always the best that I’ve seen! And I just want to say thank you so much to the Lac Du Bonnet Lions Club for having me out! I’ll post my full speech & the video of me singing O Canada on YouTube later.
Day at the Red River Ex!
On June 20th, I was at the Red River Exhibition with Miss Teenage Manitoba ! Our jobs were to hand out maps. But before we did anything we read on the map that Shawn Desman was going to be there later that day! Which was really cool because he’s famous. Then we started our day by walking through the lines of people waiting & handed out some maps.
Shortly after that, before the gates were open to the public. Devon & I got to stand behind the gates. To get ready for when they were opened at 12 to the public. I never done anything like that before in my life! There was tons of people coming in right at 12, it was really fun! Minus the sun burning down on us. After we ran out of maps we thought we were done. But we had more stacks of maps. We handed out those maps like it was Christmas. I started saying “get your free maps”, we tried to make up a rap about maps… but it didn’t turn out too well! I was convincing people to take the maps, by saying “Hey you look like you need a map, here’s a free map.” Or “Get your free maps, we are preventing you from getting lost since 12pm!” Then by around 2:00pm we finished handing out all the maps! We were done for the day!
Fun Fact – The Red River Ex set a one-day attendance record on Saturday June 20th with 53,266 people!
When we finished we walked around the park & we decided to go on one ride. The Mega Drop! It was Devon’s choice. I literally can go on any ride but that ride, it scares me! But I went on it anyways. I was so scared, I was screaming so much before it even dropped because the ride seemed to stop at the top longer than usual! I was yelling Devon hold my hand! I’m going to pee! THIS IS TOO SCARY! Then it finally dropped! Oh my gosh I was so happy to finally get that over with!
Shawn Desman Concert
I really wanted to see Shawn Desman play. So I stuck around & I walked around the park with Callen (very close family friend), I brought her along because she never been to the Ex. Then later I saw another friend Kyle, he stuck around with Callen & I. Till my mom & Jared (my brother) came back to watch Shawn Desman & special guest Andee. We had to look for them because my phone ended up dying. We eventually found them, & walked over to the stage. By 8pm the stage was packed! They put on amazing show! It was actually my first time seeing a famous singers play, & Shawn Desman played a new song that hasn’t been released yet & it was amazing.
I had such an amazing time at the Red River Ex! I got to meet tons of people when I was walking all through the park. I will never get tired of little kids asking me if I’m a princess or saying the cutest little things!
On June 18th, I went to Shaw Park for the Big Bike Ride. Where I met up with www.energy106.ca (a Winnipeg Radio Station), and MacDon Industries. To ride the big bike and raise money for the Heart & Stroke Foundation.
Before we got on the bike, we had to warm up. By playing this game with a foam milk carton. We had two teams and the person at the start of each line puts the milk carton below there legs for the person behind them to grab it and pass it over there head and so on. Until the person in the back gets it and runs to the front of the line and it starts over till everyone has gone and ran up to the front. I’m pretty sure it ended in a tie.
After that we all got on the bike, there is 28 seats. Taller seats in the front, and shorter seats in the back… I had to sit in the back… I had some struggles pedaling because my legs weren’t long enough. But it was still so much fun! And I hope to do it again next year!!